Love and Sex(Part 3)

People who believe they know the objective meaning of sex can easily say what sex is andwhat it isn't. Their dichotomy is clear, the sexual side predictably narrow.That's one reason such people can be so self-righteous about what humans should and should not do sexually. "Intimacy," for example, is a common rallying point for people who need sex to have Meaning. "Intimacy" (which, of course, meansradically different things to different people) is fine. But setting it up as a standard for"healthy" sexuality creates a hierarchy of sexual experiences, downplaying or even excluding many of its most important aspects. This must be true regardless of the particular meaning people decide sex "really" has. In this sense, Christianity and other sex-negativeinstitutions are not the only source of sexual repression in our culture. Rigidity about sexual experience, meaning, and decision-making is the true culprit. Organized Humanism, for example, stands opposed to religious concepts of sex being inherently evil. But to the extent that Humanism is attempting to discover some secular "true meaning" of sex, it colludes withsociety's conceptual rigidity. Ultimately, it is different from other sexual dogmas only in content. With the perspective that sex has only emergent meaning, we can experience a huge range of sexual feelings and meanings. With a different perspective, much of this range is either invisible, or worse, repugnant and, by definition, excluded. Sexuality, for example, has a dark side. One can deal with this in many ways, but an experience-based model of sexuality does notjudge this fact. Instead it accepts it, makesroom for it, plays with it or not, but always respects it. If, however, one believes sex has a revealed meaning--say, it must always"nurture a relationship"--then there's no room in the model for sex to have a dark side. One has to deny that it's there, and say itreflects a perverse mind, weed it out, destroy it--because its existence threatens the model of what sex should be. This is a primary source of censorship and other repressive movements. The fact that sex has no intrinsic meaning is, actually, its ultimate positive quality. It gives us the opportunity to discoveran infinite number of meanings in sex, and touse sex as a vehicle for self-exploration. And it gives us the chance to play, in the purest sense of the word. But the fact that sex has no meaning is scary. It means that every time you're sexual you're adrift. It means you have to take responsibility for your choices and experiences. If you believe that sex is dangerous, of course, or if you believe that sex is so powerful that it can destroy you, thisis a terrifying prospect. Sex's lack of meaning is also scary because it means partners are not subject to our control, or accountable to objective criteria. It means we have no authority to tell a partner,"you're obviously wrong for what you like or do sexually, so you should want what I want--sex the 'right way.'" Sex having no meaning requires that we trustourselves when being sexual. First, it means making choices from a vast array of options. Will we make good choices? Choices that reveal things about us we're defended against? This is far worse than simply being exposed as having lust in your heart. Will we be attracted to activities that "good people" are not? Will our choices hurt our partner, our family, our country? Second, we have to trust sex. Will it take us sofar out that we can't come back? Will we haveour eyes put out by its brightness ordarkness? It's like reaching into the back ofa cave without knowing what's back there. It takes courage. Third, we have to trust our partner. Can s/he handle whatever we create sexually? Can s/hego to new sexual vistas with us as we invent them, or will we find ourselves alone? Will s/he go further or faster than we do, alsoleaving us feeling alone? In reality, sex is almost always an experience of oscillation: of partners being alone and then finding each other, again and again. Can we tolerate beingparallel and then coming together, then splitting up again moments later, trusting that we'll find our way back toward each other? So is sex meaningless? Yes and no. It is meaningless in the objective or philosophic sense. But it is meaningful on the personal, experiential level. One reason that people engage in sex is to be periodically renewed, nourished in their experience of whatever kind of meaning they expect--whether that meaning involves intimacy, closeness, pleasure, creativity, bodily perfection, or the promise that life is OK. Now reading these articles on LoVe and SeX,what do you think?.Do you think Love andsex should go hand and hand in all relationship?Whats type of Love do you have toward your hubby or spouse?.Many are married because of money,some out of desperation,Will this bring happiness?.so many questions still unasked.Awaiting your comments cause no one is above learning. Thanks for your patience...